Wednesday, August 18, 2004

i'm ignorin' it.

I didn't notice when McDonald's changed their slogan from "We love to see you smile" (hell, that one didn't even register with me) to the current, ubiquitous, "i'm lovin' it," and I haven't eaten there since my last annual shamrock shake. I prefer to ignore them, but my radio station makes that impossible. I listen to a Canadian radio station, which plays a mix of very good, mediocre, and crap but is still the most "listenable" station that gets good reception in my car. They also have good weather reports and a mix of Canadian and US-centered news, but on the down side they have McDonald's as a major sponsor. I get at least one of their commercials played at me every third commercial break.

They rate as follows:

--The first one I heard, for 'sundae treats.' I guess these bear the same relation to an ice cream sundae that a "happy shake" does to a proper milkshake.
Annoyance rating: 5
It seemed short, and while it was played constantly, the rapid-fire delivery and raucous, androgynous vocals (kinda like Shirley from Sly and the Family Stone) made it strangely tolerable. The trademark "I'm lovin' it" phrase was so slurred I didn't even make it out until hearing the line in another commercial.

-- Which would be this one, for salads.
Annoyance rating: 10. Or maybe 11.
Totally un-frickin'-bearable. The girly-girl vocals, the appalling lyrics, ("It's okay to stare/I'm the queen bee/eat your heart out/it's all about me)... gyah! Okay, McDonald's comes out and says clearly that shallow, narcissistic morons who speak in cliche buy their salad. Anybody still hungry? This one didn't seem to get as much airplay as the "sundae treat" one, so maybe people joined me in turning it off.

-- Another commercial with a brief run. Possibly also for salads.
Annoyance rating: 4 or 6. 4 if it truly was so unremarkable that it wasn't worth committing to long-term memory, 6 if I don't remember because I kept turning it off. All I remember is the tagline, which was sung in a voice close to that of the hideous salad girl.

-- The toasted deli sandwich one, currently airing.
Annoyance rating: 7. Eager-beaver whitebread guy enthusing about toasted deli sandwiches, followed by a gratuitous slogan performed by a sleepy, grungy stoned-sounding band. The two approaches don't work, fake music like *that* wore out its welcome circa 1996, and while the sandwiches do sound good, I don't bloody trust McDonalds! If the commercial makes me want a toasted deli sandwich, I'll head to Quiznos. At least Quiznos has interesting commercials featuring spongmonkeys!

The bottom line: none of these commercials is more than adequate. Two leave me uninterested in the food, one makes me positively antipathetic toward the chain and anyone who eats there, and the fourth makes me think fondly of another sandwich chain. The "i'm lovin' it" push is a 100-country synchronized campaign, and allegedly it's boosted sales, but I think the next time I set foot in a McDonald's will be when shamrock shake season rolls around.

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